i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
