Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
