i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
