i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
