Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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