I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
