Is it because I queefed?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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