i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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