By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
