OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
