she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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