I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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