Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
