I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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