Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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