I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
