I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
