Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
