You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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