problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
