there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
