Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
