I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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