I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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