It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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