bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
