i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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