i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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