Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Im part way to drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
