Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
