i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
