No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
