OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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