We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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