mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
