I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
