He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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