the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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