Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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