# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
