Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize