i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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