i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
