how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you traded sex for a burrito?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
