i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
