you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
