I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
