if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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