So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
how does that bad decision feel?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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