I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
