nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
