I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
