Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Randomize