i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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