If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
