I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
