I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize