3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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