can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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