I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
