you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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