i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I met the friendliest cop last night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
