There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
