oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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