good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
