Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
