Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
