Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
