thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
