I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
