watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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