My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
