There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
