Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
