the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
