You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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