The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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