so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize