my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
