Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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