Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
